Writings and Ramblings
Date: April 23rd
Location: Leadville
Loneliness
I too have known loneliness.
I too have known what it is to feel
misunderstood,
rejected, and suddenly
not at all beautiful.
Oh, mother earth,
your comfort is great, your arms never withhold.
It has saved my life to know this.
Your rivers flowing, your roses opening in the morning.
Oh, motions of tenderness!
- Mary Oliver
I found this poem by Mary Oliver today. It spoke to me in light of how I’ve been feeling. The last portion of the poem especially settled in my heart, mother earth is who I turn to in my times of loneliness. But although she is an enormity of a presence, it can be hard to be outside when the loneliness is a constant nettle sting. I realized that solitude needs to be my choice. Forced solitude is not working for me. I am so ready to not be alone all of the time anymore. I’m ready to stop feeling sorry for myself about it.
My partner and I went to the Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park on Sunday. I was struck by the depth of the canyon, by the great walls of dark gneiss outstretched before me like hands held out by the earth cupping the river below. At one of the overlooks I could feel the rumble of the cascades below through the rock. Heights can be hard for me. I am appreciative to have a partner I can be honest with about my thoughts, to be held and listened to if not understood. To have someone to help me step back from the ledge.
American Dipper: Bouncing along a moss covered rock, dipping in and out of the current. Snatching midges from midair.
Til next time ... Finley.